I really like my job. I work in tech, I drive innovation, I change things for the better. I see the results of what I do. My customers come from the industry probably the most on fire for this change, not to find themselves out of business tomorrow. I work for a multi-area, I travel a lot, I meet great people. Colleagues, customers and partners.

Yet a few months ago I applied for another job. As it has always been the case with me, I was not looking for one. However, a position in Western Europe (another multi-area) has opened up for exactly the same role, and I saw it as a great opportunity. I would work with customers and partners at a different maturity stage, I would have new challenges, I would learn from new brilliant people. And it would strike my passion of geographies: I would reconnect with the Nordics and get to know new cultures. It just felt right, 101%. From the moment I learnt about this role, I knew I should go for it.

So I did. I thought that my interviews went well, but then learnt that the hiring manager changed his search criteria and was now looking for a different profile. That happens.

It does feel bad not to get what you want, for sure. Especially if you are generally used to winning. Winning most of the times makes good salesmen, entrepreneurs and other risk takers. It also does make bad losers. It stings not to get what you want. Especially when you are 101% sure that’s the right thing.

There were good things about it, too. I got massive encouragement. My current manager, the head of my group at my geo level, regional industry lead, everyone told me they would support me doing it. It felt great: not only I could make sure it was a good step (this I already knew, 101%, remember), I also felt the support of much more senior people I admired. People I would work with in this new role. It mattered to me, a lot. More than quarterly reviews, more than KPI metrics and more than bonuses it showed me that I was doing something right. The HR was great, too. I met two great HRs in my life, both in my current company, and I met so many others that now my heart sings in appreciation when I meet the right person. Who doesn’t only ask questions but also shares great insights.

However, life has its own wisdom. Back in the INSEAD days, when I was interviewing for more companies than I knew about in my whole life, I was in the finals for one role. The hiring manager then gave me a call to tell that he would be going forward with another candidate. I did appreciate him calling: to hear that from a manager is tons more valuable than a standard HR sentence about you being great but your application, apparently, less so. It is a great personal touch, and it can also be a great learning. That manager told me that even though, personally, I was great, he, personally, preferred Porsche to any other car. He found Porsche in this other candidate and would like to go with this person. So, being probably another car, I accepted things as they were (I also had a high barrier to job rejections, or dings as we called them at INSEAD back then.) I don’t know how good this manager turned out to be for my classmate, but I soon got a call for another role, and a hiring manager there had a strong preference for Ferrari (true story). Not only he ended up being my manager (twice), he also challenged me, developed me and became a great personal friend. (Another great tech company also called later on, but I was signing by then.)

What is meant to be, happens. What is destined to be yours, comes and stays. In a way that feels natural and without effort that is forced. Sure, you can bend the circumstances, move mountains, make all odds even and have your way. For a while. Only to find life responding by getting its setup back to square one and snapping your nose. To teach you a lesson. It is true not only for a job. Love, friendships, being good at something you love fall in place with ease when they are right. There is no point in working hard all your life to sing if you have no ear for music (and maybe digging a great talent for painting, or for web development). No point in spending hours talking to someone who never listens. No point in knocking closed doors. No point in chasing things that run away.

I am a fighter, so this piece of wisdom comes at a high price. I used to make impossible possible, only to understand that things which are yours, happen. I have contemplated a lot of ways to get what I thought was right for me, I tried most of them (and some more than once), and actually got many of the things I wanted. Only to understand later that well, some of them were not right for me, at all. Degrees. Friendships. Party invitations. Jobs.

What is meant to be, happens. What is destined to be yours, comes and stays.

I believe in life leaving signs all over the place, and I believe in listening to them. You never know what happens at the next turn. The best way to get prepared is to listen to life, to understand its logic, to trust it. Life has retrospect wisdom. You understand that something makes sense, even a very painful, ego bruising something (like not getting a job) only after another thing happens, and everything falls into place. The dots are often connected retrospectively.

So when you don’t get what you want, be it a job, relationships or a skill you are chronically failing to develop, embrace it. Give it your best, and if it is not enough, accept it. You must be good at something else. You will be loved by another person. And you will get another job. And when you do, not only you will be 101% sure, things will come your way and just happen

What is meant to be, happens. What is destined to be yours, comes and stays.

So smile. Life is worth trusting.

🙂

18 thoughts on “When You Don’t Get What You Want (Like A Job)

  1. Agreed! Things always fall into place… All we can do is our best. If it doesn’t happen, it was probably going to cause you more harm then good anyway. A positive frame of mind will take you further than you dreamed.

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  2. I’ve reread this post for five times and it just made me so happy for no reason 🙂 maybe because I entirely agree with the main message (about the concious and friendly Universe and everything in life falling into place when the time is right), so it is nice to know that people you kind of admire see the world the same way.
    Thanks for starting this blog and sharing your experiences! I’ve following you on livejournal for several yeas now but this one is really fresh and eloquent. So keep up living your dream and inspiring others by writing about it 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, thank you so much for saying it! Sometimes I wonder if anyone actually reads my posts here or people are just checking out the pictures and like them 😀 I started this blog just because I miss writing and I am mostly doing it to sort out my own thoughts and impressions but having comments like yours give makes it so much better! 🙂

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      • No worries, I personally read every single post on this blog before going to sleep yesterday so you should know that at least one follower here truly appreciates the “lots of letters”, as we say in Russian 😉 (but of course I am sure there are many more than one).
        Among other things, looking forward to your posts about other countries and cities you have lived in, especially Munich. I lived there two years ago myself and fell deeply in love with it, so now I am really curious to find out why you thought the city was unwelcoming.

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      • That inspires me to post more letters than pictures, careful, you will get more 6 pages posts like this 😀 I will write my Munich chapter one day but it is difficult: to me, Munich was the only place I could not live from all my geo selection. Mainly, because of the people: at work, people were great, also German colleagues, but when I had to do something, like calling a bank, cancelling a contract because of moving, or just parking a car, it was often just too much. Of effort on my side and hostility on their side. At the same time, I have great German friends, Bavarian friends as well, so I can’t generalize here. I have had a great time in Munich and have some amazing memories, it was just non sustainable long term. Where are you now?

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  3. You ve found one of the most difficult topic in my life… after the men and the God 🙂
    A lots of years ago in my childhood I was participate in little championship (team game). The rules was claire, the conditions for the victory were also known, but they were multy criterian (like everything in the life I guess). By the results our team gonna be win. And we were came to the final ceremony, happiest like we were never were before….. And “the Oscar” haven’t gone to us. I think even Napoleon haven’t felt nothing in common as I felt when he had loose the war. It was’n a destiny, it was a dessicion of 1 person. And some years after memeber of our team still continue to reflexing why he had made this? why he gave us 2nd ? What was his idea or lesson? After almost 5 years one of our member had a chance to working together with the man who was a judge in championship. And one day she had ask him. And he said that there was no especial idea… no lesson for us to learning. He hadn’t really care who will take the 1st prize or the 2nd… The most important was the game.
    Some years I ve read the I don’t more remember which book of Paolo Coelho … where he described his personal experience to not to take a win which for 101% should be yours.
    So finally I was be ready after that “Sh.t just happend”… when I ve face another situation in my professional life.
    I was hired by fortune to the governement. It was a position of dream for me that time, and I wasn’t sure that I was 101% the best for it, but I was 101% sure that it was the best of the best what could happend in my life. So, in 2 days between the final decision and signature the contract the departement was decided to be reorgonized (they fired 5 deputy chiefs and blocked any hiring). And I was stay… without ex job and without new one. They asked to wait… to wait… to wait. After 1 month of waiting… Finally I decided not to wait anymore and to find another job. So I ve done. It was passed 1 year when I ve recieved a call from the goverement. Finally they finished structural changings and ready to hire. But the most interesting thing in this situation is that the year’s experience which I was gain by waiting the governement’s call was let me to push to much more big position (and i couldn’t foresee this before)…By this way my unlucky gap year had let me to win much more and it had become my biggest fortune.

    Natasha, from all my heart (like our Minister of sport like to say:) I wish that this situation from just unluckful will transform to the most fortunate for you! Let your fortune make you the great surprise! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ух ты, ты сделала домашку и прочитала все мои посты? 😋 арифметика таких вот жизненных, не зависящих от нас решений, обычно понимается только на следующем, жизнеутверждающем этапе, когда случается хорошее, и не в последнюю очередь из-за некого негатива на этапе прошлом. Beauty (and life wisdom) is everywhere.

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